Will Work For Food
Okay, well I admit I don't even see ones that read that anymore. Most are quite humorous or flat out honest... "why lie I need a beer", really that could be a lie, maybe the holder of that sign knows that the majority of passer-bys are thinking that anyway and what ever it takes to get you the change to buy your next meal.
Lets touch this subject for a minute, I have already hit Immigration so I might as well go down the list... and as a side note, I have never seen a Mexican on the side of the road begging for money... on a street downtown maybe where all the construction businesses know if you need a cheap hand for a day to go pick up one, but they work and work hard if even for that one day because they want that money just like the other 15 or 20 of them standing on the corner with them.

I have never met a true homeless person, I have heard stories that they make bank standing on the corner all day long, but I have never seen a true rags to riches story, and how much is "bank" when you don't have a home? so you need to rent a hotel for a night and eating out all the time because there isn't a home to cook a meal or keep groceries at for that matter.... what is the price it would take to have someone either down on their luck as the saying goes or flat out Lazy get back on their feet to be able to take a shower everyday, have a full time working job, a place to rent and transportation?... that isn't something anyone can establish overnight.
So lets just put it out there if you don't like them doing it, leave your window rolled up, don't look at them, don't give them your spare change and continue to drive on by. it isn't like he is standing in front of your house asking YOU specifically to give it to him.

I have spare change, and even a few dollar bills hanging around solely for this purpose. I don't care if they are going to take my one dollar to go get high, if they are going to do it, they are going to find a way to do it. I'm not god and I am not the ultimate judge come judgement day. I can only give a little something of what they dont have. Did you ever think what it takes for a person to stand on a corner and lose their pride, to be humiliated in the thoughts of those passing them. I have my comfortable heated/air conditioned car and house with a yard for my kids to play in, food to feed us and the comfort of knowing where my next check not to mention meal is coming from.
I always wonder what gets them to the point where they have become homeless, was it an addiction (of any sorts) or were there circumstances that spiralled in a negative affect. The saying is it takes anywhere from 6 months to a year to fully recuperate financially from a month of no pay/ no work. so imagine that month after month. And sure there are resources that can support and help the homeless, but when you think about the numbers there is never enough. Even if someone thinks it would be easier to stand on a street corner, I would guess that once they ventured out to try it, they would discover the grass wasn't any greener.
This is soley my thoughts and opinion, I guess that is what makes being human such a great experience, but for those of you who sit back and think this world is falling apart and there is nothing anyone can do about it... your wrong. The little things do help.

Follow the Leader

Okay so I am going to do what everyone else with a blog is doing...writing about the 4th. Lame I know, but you don't have to read this...
I enjoyed the day for the most part, initially I was bitching because it was in the middle of the week, but really yesterday put a good break in this week. I did exactly what I have been dying to do... spend time with my family.
I busted out my cleaning skills, put the house in tiptop shape so others think I actually live like Monica from the tv show Friends. I was ready to host. Then the door opened and it all disappeared. My oldest sister has 3 girls and 1 boy, they are commonly known as the rat pack in my family. Ripping through the house and leaving disaster where ever they have been. I was filling up some water balloons for the kids and my brother grabbed some of the ones that were filled and announced he was going to "peg" the rat pack. A few minutes later Kace my oldest comes to me wanting more... I hand off the newest batch of readied balloons. Once I was done filling them all (and the demand was greater than supply) I went to join in this wet war. My niece, who is old enough to know they may have been more in numbers were not superior to the agility of the grown ups, hands me her last balloon... it was then I knew what I needed to do. I stand on the porch, pretending to be a spectator, my brother takes a break a few yards away. I make my mark and I was more on target than I think I ever wanted to be. Now even though the throw felt good and the fact that I pegged him so perfectly on the side of his face, I felt horrible. The water balloon carried so much force that it knocked his glasses off his face and I quickly felt a deep burning go thru my body. It was the glare from my brother, crap, I was screwed. I looked for a safe cover, there was no way I was out running him and even though I gained a little ground for defending the kids I was now in direct fire of this. All I could find was my mom, it was going to have to do... I hid behind her like a little child scared of a relative coming to give kisses, it worked out okay I ended up with water down my entire back, but I saved my face from the equal revenge I just gave my brother and that was good enough for me.

My brother carries the male stereo type in ever degree, fireworks was one of them. He loved them and had to have a lot of them... So we compared and shared. Kace is more of a mellow child and looking at family pictures or reading is just as entertaining if not more than fireworks, but Cris was a mini me to my brother, walking around with a lit punk in his hand... lighting them in his hand and them throwing them, over-all he was fairly safe and acted fairly mature about the handling of the fireworks. Between my brother and Cris though I was exhausted and happy when we were out.
Yesterday truly was a great and enjoyable day.

Mental Break or just a break down?

When does life become so overwhelming that one just feels they have gone over the limits? Or knows what ones limits are for that matter... just when you feel like you can not handle anymore or go any further, something manages to pull it or make it go that extra bit but the feelings are that things are not moving forward. I'm stuck... the stress has bubbled over. I sat back through the beginning of this year thinking I just needed to get through the school year with the kids, that I just needed the summer break to breath and slow down, But every time I am turning around I have more and more over filling this cup of responsibility.

Michal asked me Friday what I was doing for me... I can come up with quick little blurbs of I went out and drank for a bit with a friend, or I got my hair done... but I knew what he meant.
Nothing, was my response.. I have done nothing for me. I have been taking off every other weekend when the boys go to their dads, I take a small overnight road trip to stay in a hotel with no contact, no responsibilities...just being spontaneous and doing things at whim. It is short lived though and the next day it is all over and hardly a memory is left standing when I return to the constant needs of those around me.

I felt as if I was going crazy this weekend, like I was officially losing it. I saw all my sanity and reasoning flash in front of me... I wanted to grab it... pull it back and get my self together but it was scrambled, going all over the place. I couldn't make it happen. I don't want to answer my phone, I don't want to email a friend, I don't want to talk to anyone. I am so independent I want to take all this garbage in... process it, sort through it and get it together... I feel as though I am officially losing it. I know I need to do something for myself, something where the stress and the worries will subside enough for me to regain the strong ground I had, to feel in control again and sort through things issue to issue.
This is an obvious sign I need a vacation from the very demanding job, and to spend time with my boys who are only getting older. I can only think of the song "Cats in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin. How true it is, and after losing my dad do those words have more affect than ever.