Back in the Rain of Things

Its raining today, a little muggy but not too bad and rain is a good change in the middle of summer? I guess anyway.... What other state interrupts your 100 degree weather with cool rain spouts?

So last night I found a box that appeared to be of antique status. I open it up to discover slides... all slides of my mom, her family when she was younger and her father. Her father that died way too soon ... I think she was 5 (I always get the age wrong) but none the less she was young, too young to remember all the butterfly kisses and too young to ever get to experience the daddy/daughter anythings. I have only seen maybe one picture of my biological grandfather before so it was cool to look at these pictures, he loved the outdoors and the pictures in these slides were beautiful, gorgeous scenery so that led into my mom looking up on the Internet some of these places she went to time and time again when she was a child. I saw her sitting on this computer, reading off all these places and showing me pictures..... it made me think about how she would converse with my father about this. She obviously was delighted to share the places she grew up experiencing.

I could at that moment sense her need to want to express more, to maybe sometimes poor her heart out, but to who? She has kept her feelings, her deepest thoughts, fears and expressions pretty much to herself. I don't see her cry it out much, only sometimes she will tell me that she had a rough night or cried at something, but after it was done. I suggested to my mom that she should blog. She is on the Internet a lot and my personal feelings is that she needs to be able to express her feelings in a healthy manner. She claims she doesn't write, but you don't have to be a writer to be a blogger I explained. you simply need something and sometimes nothing to write about. For her she is a widow, her heart left this earth too soon. She misses him more than anyone including myself will ever know. She could write all the things she wanted to get out, ramble if you will. It is healthy and I have read enough blogs to know that it is the sanity piece for most. I showed her mine... okay, so I don't get into the nitty gritty of my life, my inter most thoughts but it doesn't mean I don't want to. I am actually wanting someday to write a book and if I share now then there will be no personal experience ideas for my book :)

I also have a hired, professional quiet room where I go once a week to verbally vomit what ever is on my mind and I am revived, ready to take on the next hour, day, week before the next time I get to experience more crap to vomit out. Thanks for that Michal!

Mom,

I know it is hard to express deep, personal feelings. You don't even have to go there, but I strongly encourage you to experience a bold expression of yourself. Talk about your dog, your grandchildren, and even your pain in the rear grown children :)

I hope anyone who reads this will help me... any comments of support you may have for my mom please leave them.

Will Work For Food
Okay, well I admit I don't even see ones that read that anymore. Most are quite humorous or flat out honest... "why lie I need a beer", really that could be a lie, maybe the holder of that sign knows that the majority of passer-bys are thinking that anyway and what ever it takes to get you the change to buy your next meal.
Lets touch this subject for a minute, I have already hit Immigration so I might as well go down the list... and as a side note, I have never seen a Mexican on the side of the road begging for money... on a street downtown maybe where all the construction businesses know if you need a cheap hand for a day to go pick up one, but they work and work hard if even for that one day because they want that money just like the other 15 or 20 of them standing on the corner with them.

I have never met a true homeless person, I have heard stories that they make bank standing on the corner all day long, but I have never seen a true rags to riches story, and how much is "bank" when you don't have a home? so you need to rent a hotel for a night and eating out all the time because there isn't a home to cook a meal or keep groceries at for that matter.... what is the price it would take to have someone either down on their luck as the saying goes or flat out Lazy get back on their feet to be able to take a shower everyday, have a full time working job, a place to rent and transportation?... that isn't something anyone can establish overnight.
So lets just put it out there if you don't like them doing it, leave your window rolled up, don't look at them, don't give them your spare change and continue to drive on by. it isn't like he is standing in front of your house asking YOU specifically to give it to him.

I have spare change, and even a few dollar bills hanging around solely for this purpose. I don't care if they are going to take my one dollar to go get high, if they are going to do it, they are going to find a way to do it. I'm not god and I am not the ultimate judge come judgement day. I can only give a little something of what they dont have. Did you ever think what it takes for a person to stand on a corner and lose their pride, to be humiliated in the thoughts of those passing them. I have my comfortable heated/air conditioned car and house with a yard for my kids to play in, food to feed us and the comfort of knowing where my next check not to mention meal is coming from.
I always wonder what gets them to the point where they have become homeless, was it an addiction (of any sorts) or were there circumstances that spiralled in a negative affect. The saying is it takes anywhere from 6 months to a year to fully recuperate financially from a month of no pay/ no work. so imagine that month after month. And sure there are resources that can support and help the homeless, but when you think about the numbers there is never enough. Even if someone thinks it would be easier to stand on a street corner, I would guess that once they ventured out to try it, they would discover the grass wasn't any greener.
This is soley my thoughts and opinion, I guess that is what makes being human such a great experience, but for those of you who sit back and think this world is falling apart and there is nothing anyone can do about it... your wrong. The little things do help.

Follow the Leader

Okay so I am going to do what everyone else with a blog is doing...writing about the 4th. Lame I know, but you don't have to read this...
I enjoyed the day for the most part, initially I was bitching because it was in the middle of the week, but really yesterday put a good break in this week. I did exactly what I have been dying to do... spend time with my family.
I busted out my cleaning skills, put the house in tiptop shape so others think I actually live like Monica from the tv show Friends. I was ready to host. Then the door opened and it all disappeared. My oldest sister has 3 girls and 1 boy, they are commonly known as the rat pack in my family. Ripping through the house and leaving disaster where ever they have been. I was filling up some water balloons for the kids and my brother grabbed some of the ones that were filled and announced he was going to "peg" the rat pack. A few minutes later Kace my oldest comes to me wanting more... I hand off the newest batch of readied balloons. Once I was done filling them all (and the demand was greater than supply) I went to join in this wet war. My niece, who is old enough to know they may have been more in numbers were not superior to the agility of the grown ups, hands me her last balloon... it was then I knew what I needed to do. I stand on the porch, pretending to be a spectator, my brother takes a break a few yards away. I make my mark and I was more on target than I think I ever wanted to be. Now even though the throw felt good and the fact that I pegged him so perfectly on the side of his face, I felt horrible. The water balloon carried so much force that it knocked his glasses off his face and I quickly felt a deep burning go thru my body. It was the glare from my brother, crap, I was screwed. I looked for a safe cover, there was no way I was out running him and even though I gained a little ground for defending the kids I was now in direct fire of this. All I could find was my mom, it was going to have to do... I hid behind her like a little child scared of a relative coming to give kisses, it worked out okay I ended up with water down my entire back, but I saved my face from the equal revenge I just gave my brother and that was good enough for me.

My brother carries the male stereo type in ever degree, fireworks was one of them. He loved them and had to have a lot of them... So we compared and shared. Kace is more of a mellow child and looking at family pictures or reading is just as entertaining if not more than fireworks, but Cris was a mini me to my brother, walking around with a lit punk in his hand... lighting them in his hand and them throwing them, over-all he was fairly safe and acted fairly mature about the handling of the fireworks. Between my brother and Cris though I was exhausted and happy when we were out.
Yesterday truly was a great and enjoyable day.