God Created the Heavens and the Earth....

and I created a tween! My oldest son Kace is almost 9... not even in double digits and I am feeling the doom that lurks with warnings of preteen and even teenage attitude. I can hear the echo of my parents telling me my kids will be like me (that scares me). My latest invention to my own demise is a text messaging creature. I, myself text A LOT... I text standing in line at starbucks, the gas station and admittingly when I drive, but since I have been an idiot of distraction and actually slammed into the back of a bigger vehicle than mine I try and limit my multitasking to radio changing, coffee drinking and other quick small tasks and save the text messaging for 'waiting in line' moments or traffic lights. I text approximately 600+ messages a month, sometimes I am not even sure how I can do that much and I am sure there is worse out there, but this takes me back to my earlier bracketed comment about how my parents told me my off spring would be like me... I fear the bill that is already a paper weight will need extra postage for it to be mailed out from now on. At least twice a day I get a text message from him that simply reads "hi mom". I would like to think this will grow old and be a phase, but it is a long phase and until something Cooler comes along in technology I am stuck with my phone going off. It does beat the multiple 20 second phone calls of a kid too distracted to talk, I can now just text him and he can take 2 seconds to respond.

So going down my list of "tween" experiences...
*growing hair long
*talking back
*growling at me and slamming door
*telling me nothing is wrong when obviously something is wrong
*visiting the principles office 1 too many times
*always wrapped up in electronic games
*annoyed beyond reason with younger brother

I am sure this is just the start of a list that will only get tedious to keep up to date, I'd like to think I am ready... but when is anyone really ever ready.

SWF

I did it. I stepped out into the market... no not those internet sites. I simply just expanded my inner peace. I have made a movement of letting go of the past that has weighed me down from even making a great effort to want to date. I don't think I even knew how much I let my "skeleton's" hold me back, and possibly admitting that I actually loved the guy I was with for the past few years. As much garbage that we went thru together and sometimes what I endured solely at his benefit I denied the negative impact that the relationship put on me. Even after I nominated a mutual split, I couldn't take down the pictures of "us" I still would answer his calls when he called and run to his aid short of over-extending myself. Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen I found a user, but a user of the worst kind... One who had done it for so long they were unaware of their deceptive actions.
I went out Saturday night (my first time in a very long time... no I wont disclose how long) and although the club was a horrible scene it renewed a sense in me that I could really, really put forward the advise of my therapist and move both feet into today. I am confident that something better awaits and I am excited to be me and not worry about the exposed past.
I am every bit worth what I have to offer in return, no tricks, no lies... this is me.
I am a mother, a leader, a friend, a listener, a comforter, a comedian (well to some people) and much more. Now bring on the Boys!!!!

Silent Exit

I received a phone call yesterday right before I was about to take my son to see a movie. It was my mother and it was Sunday. I imagined she was lonely and was going to ask me to come visit her. I was wrong.

It isn't like what she was about to tell me should be that big of a surprise but when death happens whether it be expected or not it is always a shock. She delivered the news that my grandfather past away on Saturday. He suffered declining health from a recent fall and essentially lost his will to continue living. He was older and had outlived 3 wives and his only 2 sons (my father being one of them). He had quite the life and the stories to go with it. It is hard to feel sad that he left this world, simply because he can now be with the majority of his family again on the other side. I actually feel more mourning and sympathetic feelings towards my Aunt who will no doubt be the last person to bury every single one of her family members. I honor her for that and the strength she carries to move forward with this process of a very big burden on her heart and soul.

My grandfather served his life and career in the military, he was a B 17 bombardier and fought in WWII bringing with him the physical and mental wounds from his missions. He flirted with death so many times and in the end, he really was the winner. Living a long life... I shamefully did not know my grandfather or the full length of his stories and life. I learned the majority of these stories through my own father, who admired his dad and gave him a tribute to his many years in the service and accomplishments. My father made a website to tribute his dad and his 50 missions. This website is still up, unknown how much longer it will be though. www.50missions.net.

I think sometimes how so many people do so many great things in their lifetime, most of them humble about their charities and accomplishments and then they take a small bow and silently exit this earth without few people knowing what a great person they were. Even I feel as though I did not take full advantage of the awesome man that was my grandfather. And sadly like so many others, it is to late to start.