Fell Off the Planet

Well it almost feels that way. I have been so shy on my blog. Silly thing is when you don't have a job, it makes it easy to forget a lot of things a person used to do as a routine. I have grasped my freedom, independence and feeling stress free. Almost too much... I am bored... crazy bored sitting at home, running silly errands. All things I desired a few months ago and all things I DIDN'T have time for before. I'm really not complaining, this boredom has allowed me to search deeper... question myself, what I can do for me that I want to do just because, and my answer... GIVE. Yep, what can I give to others, for free? My Time. It doesn't cost a thing and usually I am the one still left reaping the reward of giving, volunteering and sharing. Wow, that's a great win!

I have started looking for a job, reading classifieds, checking out websites and search engines. I know that a job search can take a few months and I want to be pro-active... not stressed and panic when the money is gone. I wanted to know what was out there, what kind of job I wanted to do. I have the moment to be picky right now and what ever job I choose may be the one I retire on I want to be happy with it... so I found it. Why not get paid to help other people. There are actually quite a few jobs that could fit this. There are your public servant positions and there are your media positions... Getting a job where my nose can be in something I enjoy and where I feel I make a difference. Soooo, no longer doing mortgages... I have also realized that the pay will be less, but I feel my blessings and joys will be more rewarding.

I sent out several resumes and have already had interviews on a few. I wont know until next week the results of those, but now I am conflicted... these positions are looking to be filled sooner than I anticipated. Do I take a job early than planned? I would need to work out day care and what about my volunteer commitments?
Also Katie is going to have puppies in a few weeks and I am a little concerned if she has her puppies when I am not home... you know the "what if something goes wrong" factor....

The boys are leaving for Christmas to Mexico with their dad in 3 weeks and I want to spend the time with them until they go. I have read up on "knock em dead" resumes, cover letters and interviews, but I have found nothing on how to delay a job offer without upsetting the person who has graciously offered it.

Uggh dilemmas and they are not necessarily bad ones.

No rain on my Monday

The weekend was pretty good, but my Monday was so much nicer... it was relaxing and a go with the flow kind of day. I am hoping to be moving by this coming weekend, which means no more hour and a half drives to take the boys to school, no more 120.00 in gas for a week. It's not like I have "precious time" anymore, but it means when the boys are out of school that I can have more time with them, we can get back into game night, dinner together and the routine of "our" home and "our" family.

I dropped the kids off this morning to school, we left fairly early because Monday traffic is either awesome or awful and I don't like to gamble, so we were doing great on time and no rushing necessary (which is such a mood killer for us all). I dropped the little guys off and headed back for my 45 min trip home (traffic is lighter on the trip home). I contemplated going for a run because the temperature is nice and it isn't dumping cats and dogs. I check emails, stuffed a load of laundry and my mom had a few simple projects I could do to help her out with for her classroom. I got started on those when I got a phone call from school. Cris was coughing and his eye hurt? "I think he just wants to go home" the school secretary said. I agreed with her, but he is in 2nd grade, he is a super star student and its Monday... we all need a day off just because. So I obliged to pick him up and off I go for another 45 minute drive back to the school. No run and no shower. I also didn't have it in me to go all the way back home to not only waste gas, but feel like I would be turning right back around to pick up Kace. So I evaluated Cris, game him a small dose of cough medicine I brought with me and we dorked around a shopping center, Cris played on the play structured we went to the book store and the computer store, we bought a few small things and didn't forget to get Kace a surprise treat too. It was nice. I got to sit at the play area like the other moms who are privileged to do that. I got to relax and chill and I got to spend time alone with Cris. I enjoy being able to get in individual time with each of the boys.

I have enjoyed my 2 weeks off so far, I have been searching different industries where I can take some of my related employment skills and do something new. Michal gave me homework... What I really want to be when I grow up, my words not his, but same idea. I went into the military and training for Military Police. I always wanted to be a cop, dated a few, watch it religiously on T.V., but it doesn't feel practical anymore. I am cresting 30. I have 2 boys. But it doesn't mean I can't get into something closely related. So I ponder everyday and check out every website related to job listings. I search EVERY category and read the job descriptions, waiting for a hint of excitement in me... wondering what I could do as job that would fulfill my needs and wants. I don't want to get stuck in a job just for the pay and I want to be realistic with my desires too.

Sharing...not just giving but understanding

I remember almost 4 years ago I was sitting in an apartment I could barely afford, newly divorced and no sign of child support money, barely making 9 bucks an hour...a far cry from the income I was used to and not very well trained on priorities as you will discover reading on.
The apartment was clean... sparkling clean. I couldn't afford to go anywhere or do anything, the boys were with their father and I had vacuumed the floor 2 times already, went for a run and drank my breakfast... the proof was in my weight (or lack of) and under my sink... stuffed full with empty beer bottles and not cheap beer, my favorite beer which was 8$ for a six pack. I rationalized every time I bought it that I could get the 5 cent deposit I had just put down on each and everyone bottle to buy groceries with, next time when I recycled them. I always had my kids taken care of, but in my heart I knew I couldn't do it, I felt horrible...depressed... anxious... desperate and broke. I didn't want to look like a failure, like I NEEDED anyone as I was so adamant on proving them wrong. No one had said anything to my face, they didn't need to I had decided they felt this way and nothing was changing my thought. I scrounged change in my car and around the house to buy gas and the majority of my paychecks went to barely making the rent payment, daycare and groceries. My first thanksgiving I wrote a bad check, one I knew I couldn't pay just to put a meal on the table for me and the boys. I have never felt lower... waiting for a 72 hour notice to be posted on my door because I couldn't afford all the rent out of one check. I was on the verge of losing it all...

The purpose of me sharing this is that we are all human and most have gone through some type of struggle in their life... "character building" as some would put it. We all need a little helping hand... I suck at posting a link to anything but if you click on the right hand side of my blog under "pages I enjoy" and click on the top one, "behind pinned eyes" another blog I read you will discover it, the post is called "Times of Trouble". Read it, if your feeling the need to help, than please do, if you don't I understand. it is a chance for those of us who have a little to give a little. I don't ever want to be in the position I was 4 years ago and it pains me to hear of others struggling, it seems so unfair sometimes.