This Sucks

Happy Birthday Kace!!! I cant believe your making me so OLD!!!

So I haven't written in a while... for an understatement. Where does time go and yet what I am going to write about is totally a true testimony to where time goes... and the older a person gets the more regrets a person has about choices in the past. And moreover it just completely sucks that I am writing about this since I haven't written in a while and I didn't have the guts to simply pick up the phone.

I have an identical twin sister and her and her husband moved a gazillion miles away, which at first I was like whatever, I pulled my stubborn attitude together and used it to never talk to them again.

I liked the way Melinda put it... "mis-communication". Michal my therapist always says there is 3 sides to every story, mine, theirs and then somewhere in the middle is the truth, and not that anyone is lying or extorting the story any more than the other, just simply that each person takes a certain conversation or situation the way they want to take it, whether it was meant that way or not, and then there is the way things get handled...especially if it brings on what I call the 'mama bear' behavior. And this goes for anyone, but if I feel an attack on me and my kids I am all defense regardless of the true circumstances.... so in short since my sister moved, and before that we have not spoken in a year. I have still viewed my sisters blog, I love her kids and I love being an aunt and even though I took my crappy life situation out on them and it was misunderstood I still love and miss every one of them. I just wasn't big enough to do a damn thing about it. good thing I have the twin sister I do!

So today I read her blog, you can catch it here [http://www.howerton6.blogspot.com/]

and so famously of my sister she made me cry at work... she always knows just when to catch me off guard. Everything my sister said about sisters is true, she nailed my older sister to the T and I am thanking the heavens above she was so gracious when talking about me, because it could have been much worse and it has been. So time for me to say ...
I'm Sorry. it wasn't you, it was me. Just to name a few... how could you possibly be jealous of me? There was a hidden bitterness about our dad passing away and you still had mom, I mean you always had a better relationship with her and I felt like I got a short stick when dad was no longer here, not to mention that even though you and Cory struggled your blessings were more than I could ever want and Cory was and is a lot like the father I miss so much.
You have an amazing marriage, great and adorable kids and even though my relationship with mom is the best it has ever been, I still feel isolated from the bond I see that you have with her.
You say I am more pretty and a better dresser, but you're my IDENTICAL twin sister... so I don't see how that could be. I hide my spiritual feelings, I am more reserved about that side of things and both my sisters are much more open and warm about it, the beauty from that alone just makes you glow beyond any haircut or purse that I have to try and even feel comparable to you.
So in short, you are my better half, my example and yet a pain in the rear for making me cry and always being the bigger person and ending this stupid crap!

I love you and Cory and hope that we can all understand one another better each and every time.