To Bully Or Not To Bully? That Is The Question.

okay well so I wasn't going to do this, but then I thought of a few things...well more than a few things... and I spent all day thinking about these things. This will all hopefully make sense when I am done, but first I was thinking about Ryan, than I was thinking about my sisters very good blog on Faith and then I was thinking about the kids and Kace in particular and a very specific phone call and lastly I was thinking about me. And they all came down into the same box... fitting perfectly as if I could keep them all in the box, close the lid and forget about it.

However just like my sister (blog is on the right, I cant figure out how to do a line that you can click on) I need to be tested and that is how the Lord keeps us on our toes per say. This year I did something I hadn't done in all the years my boys have gone to school, I prayed and asked for a way for them to have a "father's blessing" before they start school this year. My prayer was answered and I knew it the minute my mom announced that my brothers wanted to get together on Labor Day! I could have performed a blessing to my child and it would have been heartfelt and warm, but it was missing the main ingredient of blessings that I grew up with and that was the priesthood that the men in my family carried. Something my families religion did very well. I am not big on proclaiming my religious practices, but it doesn't mean my heart isn't there. Anyway after all was said and done only Kace got the blessing because the boys' father wasn't ever really good at honoring my requests for anything. I thought to myself though that this was going to be a good school year anyway, and it still can and will be, it just has the bumps of growing up...I forgot to ask for a "bump" exclusion when requesting a blessing (that is a joke).

So today I get a phone call, I recognize the number on my caller ID, it is a number that parents unconsciously memorize... it is the number to the school.
I answer, it is the Principal... and just like anyone in a profession that deals with family the first words out of their mouth are "your child is okay". I was thinking to myself that he might not be depending on what she was going to say, but decided not to share that with her... for normal reasons. She proceeded to let me know that Kace was involved in an bullying incident and that Kace was accompanied by 2 other boys. So 3 against 1. There are several things I could say to this and I could make an excuse as to why my son would participate in such a cruel act, but I know better than to think my children are "all mighty" innocent, I mean I hear them name calling and punching when I am just in the other room at home. I also don't want this to be written off as a write of passage for kids growing up, but the big question... how do I handle this? and let me catch you up to speed, Kace is a repeat offender and this incident happens to be against the same boy as last year. So I have a "failure" mentality hit me. I have failed, I haven't done enough to teach my children to be empathetic, to resist simple peer pressure, they aren't even in the tough teen years...I am truly doomed.

So I instantly did what a lot of people do these days. I went to the Internet in search of advice, suggestions and ways to talk to my child about this. Not to mention I just went to a convention for work where I took 2 seminars on how to talk to boys! yep not kidding and a day later I am at a lost... that worked real well. Well not an entire lost, I know that boys are given stereo types and when a boy doesn't fit in the stereo type they do their best to fit in it so they are not the ones on the "outside" that are getting picked on. Kace has always had an issue with being darker in color skin and I speculate that he is willing to point out something different about someone else to hide his own insecurities. I have known this forever and I know Kace to be a very non-confrontational kid, so he isn't about to stand up for what he truly believes in or feels if others are opposing him. BUT and that is a big but we do not tolerate this behavior. Ever.

As I am going from link to link on bullying I was really in search of ways to teach my child "the bully" on ways to stop and most everything I found was about how to overcome being bullied. I found a website; Pacer Center, National Center for Bullying Prevention, it has a very good "parent" section, and in that section is a link to a web page about a boy named Ryan, you all can visit this page by going to www.ryanpatrickhalligan.org, in short Ryan was bullied for years and at the age of 13 his depression built so high and was so overwhelming that he took his life.
It is a tragic and very sad story, especially for me and as I read it, my son who is a bully, my Kace could be the kid someday who tortures another kid so bad that the other kid, god forbid, does something to get rid of it all. So I printed Ryan's picture, I printed the story and tonight when I get home I will not go in with guns blazing (figure of speech), I will not corner him, I will not raise my voice, I will not take away a material item. I will let him hold Ryan's picture as I read this story to both of my boys (relating a story also helps boys be more communicable) and we will have a short "family Night" lesson on bullying. if Kace chooses to talk to me about it later I would be proud, if he chooses to go the higher road I will be elated.
I wont know for sure how this will go over and I don't think a stern talking to is what he needs at this time. we have had our share of stern talks, we have had our share of having privileges revoked, and last year Kace wrote a letter of apology to the boy that he taunts, nothing has set in. So here is going with a mothers instinct and here is to going in with faith, pride and courage.

Bullying Prevention Awareness Week October 5th - 11th, 2008.