Leftovers

Well Thanksgiving is gone and with it my anxiety was whisked away as well. I was prepared for Thanksgiving, and in prepared I mean I had my vodka by my side. I was prepared with my mashed potatoes and prepared for the oodles of kids that were sure to bring a hangover greater than anything I could get from drinking. I'm grateful for a family to share the Holidays with, I'm grateful that Thanksgiving is only once a year too. I looked around the table, examining the faces of my family members, trying to see if there could be something read from their faces or body language, something that could let me know that they too thought of course just how it wont ever be the same. I saw depression on one and true love on another, but neither possibly from the absence of the man that was the glue for this family. The boys seem to be missing him a lot more as well, I told Kace that it was okay to cry and think about the good memories of Grandpa and he replied "but I will miss him more". I promised him that it will help and over time it will get easier. I volunteered to find a picture of his grandpa that he can hang onto and shamefully I have not done that yet. I spent the weekend shopping like the rest but I had a different purpose. I shopped for items and treats to put together a gift basket for my dad's co-workers. When he passed away I snatched the ornament he had tucked away in his dresser drawer to protect it from what ever might come this year. My intentions are to visit his office and deliver this basket with the ornament he purchased a year in advance to exchange with someone at his office for the annual ornament exchange. His co-workers told me he was the only male that participated in this. What a great guy. Secretly I would like to keep the ornament but solely for sentimental value as it isn't a snowman and I most likely will keep it buried with the rest of my prized keepsakes. So I will deliver the ornament and probably cry as I do, knowing that a year ago he purchased the ornament thinking it would be him exchanging it.
I feel more at ease bringing Christmas into full gear, truthfully I have my tree up and every last bit of my snowman decorations, from salt and pepper shakers to bathroom handsoap to a wreath with happy white snowmen on it. My last request goes out to the Weather man... If you have any schmoozing ability at all with mother nature... I don't mind the snow, if you could have her bring some more please.