Mental Break or just a break down?

When does life become so overwhelming that one just feels they have gone over the limits? Or knows what ones limits are for that matter... just when you feel like you can not handle anymore or go any further, something manages to pull it or make it go that extra bit but the feelings are that things are not moving forward. I'm stuck... the stress has bubbled over. I sat back through the beginning of this year thinking I just needed to get through the school year with the kids, that I just needed the summer break to breath and slow down, But every time I am turning around I have more and more over filling this cup of responsibility.

Michal asked me Friday what I was doing for me... I can come up with quick little blurbs of I went out and drank for a bit with a friend, or I got my hair done... but I knew what he meant.
Nothing, was my response.. I have done nothing for me. I have been taking off every other weekend when the boys go to their dads, I take a small overnight road trip to stay in a hotel with no contact, no responsibilities...just being spontaneous and doing things at whim. It is short lived though and the next day it is all over and hardly a memory is left standing when I return to the constant needs of those around me.

I felt as if I was going crazy this weekend, like I was officially losing it. I saw all my sanity and reasoning flash in front of me... I wanted to grab it... pull it back and get my self together but it was scrambled, going all over the place. I couldn't make it happen. I don't want to answer my phone, I don't want to email a friend, I don't want to talk to anyone. I am so independent I want to take all this garbage in... process it, sort through it and get it together... I feel as though I am officially losing it. I know I need to do something for myself, something where the stress and the worries will subside enough for me to regain the strong ground I had, to feel in control again and sort through things issue to issue.
This is an obvious sign I need a vacation from the very demanding job, and to spend time with my boys who are only getting older. I can only think of the song "Cats in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin. How true it is, and after losing my dad do those words have more affect than ever.